Rubbing elbows with celebrities

It has been one helluva week.

My stress levels have spiraled out of control, my ability to cope has suddenly become non-existant, I'm terrorizing the people I love, and shutting out the people that support me. And I didn't even get to ride!

The one silver lining in all of this is that I got some much-needed horse wisdom to edify my soul this evening. Linda Kohonav, one of my all-time favorite horsewomen and authors, was scheduled to give a talk and do a book signing today, and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to see her in person. As the coolest added bonus ever, two other amazing women were in the audience, as well: Meg Daley Olmert, the woman who pioneered the idea that the human-animal bond is based on a mutual production of oxytocin, and Linda Tellington-Jones, creator of the TTouch method. Too cool!

I learned so, so much tonight, and I'm sure it will take me a while to digest it all. I wanted to share a few of the more profound insights I learned so that I don't forget them.

Linda's new book, "The Power of the Herd," is all about learning to balance predatory and non-predatory power in ourselves. She believes that horses are the ultimate "non-predators" because they have prey animal wisdom, but are not victims, which is very often the image attached to the term "prey animal." Instead, horses draw on other, less overt forms of power that can be very useful to humans as well.

Something that really struck me about this idea when she broke out a list of characteristics that tend to generalize each form, predatory vs. non-predatory, was that I definitely tended to use many more predatory power techniques than non-predatory. The big ones that stuck out for me were a focus on goals over process, and a focus on territory over relationships.

Having just spent the drive up to this lecture in a tiff with my significant other over the phone, I felt a twinge of guilt at the realization of how important territory had become to me at the expense of relationships. I could almost see myself huddled down, crouched and ready to pounce at the slightest perceived invasion of my emotional territory. Ugh, how embarrassing. On the other side of the coin, horses are never territorial. They are pastoral, and depend on the other members of the herd for support regardless of where they are. This idea really got my wheels turning. Letting go of my "territory" is definitely something I will need to work on.

Also, with Sydney, I get so caught up on setting goals and reaching them, that I am almost annoyed that there has to be a process at all. Instead of creating an environment where we can both learn, I set us up for failure. Geez, emotions are hard.

The other idea that really impacted me deeply was a thought that I had only scratched the surface on previously: setting boundaries, but also being willing to open up and strengthen your heart empathetically to the suffering of others without judgement. Whew, just the thought raises my blood pressure a bit. Linda used as an example a pastoral tribe in Africa who has a kind of rite of passage ceremony wherein one male would challenge another, but the goal was not to see who could beat the crap out of the other. The goal was for the challengee to take the beating of the challenger with arms and heart wide open. In his outstretched arms, he holds a mirror so that his full attention is solely on his own reaction to what is happening to him.

An emotional interpretation of this is being able to stand, arms and heart wide open to other challenging situations in life, whether it be an aggressive, screaming, boss, a challenging argument with a loved one, or even, in Linda's case, an extremely aggressive stallion. The message is, "I am strong enough to hear whatever it is you need to say."

I am strong enough.

I had never thought about it like this. I always assumed I had to be on the counterattack, and always making sure the playing field was level so that I wasn't taken advantage of. Letting go of this need to hold on to emotional territory and being willing to open my heart to the pain and frustrations of others seemed completely counterintuitive.

I will definitely be spending some time digesting these thoughts, and thinking about ways to apply them to my relationship not only with Big Mama, but also the people I'm having trouble connecting with today. Thankfully, they all seem to have figured out this "arms and heart wide open" concept, and haven't all left me for greener pastures yet, so hopefully I can have a chance to show them the same kind of love and empathy.

If you made it all the way through this rather disjointed post, thanks for reading! There will be better posts when I am slightly less irritated and bleary-eyed :)