Staaaart over. Back to square one, again.

It's always something.

This is a phrase I resort to a lot in my journey with the sassy black horse. Today, it's the epic Battle of the Left Front Hoof. After a bout with laminitis caused by complications with an anaplasma infection a couple years back, followed by an abscess, and a horrendous case of thrush, Syd's poor left front hoof has just never been quite right. We've tried many hoof supplements and just about every topical hoof hardener on the market. We've tried alternative treatments like Lysol soaks, Tea Tree oil, and packing her feet with Betadine-soaked cotton. We've gone barefoot, booted, regular steel shoes, and shoes with leather pads, but we still haven't quite found the magic combination.

This winter I thought I'd FINALLY figured out how to keep her feet in one piece and keep her sound enough to get some good training in, but alas, it was not meant to be. She went dead lame one week into the expensive training program I sent her to, and still hasn't recovered.

And therein lies the predicament. I really need help with strategies to deal with her colossal temper tantrums, but I can't get help until she's sound, but I can't get her sound until I can work through the colossal temper tantrums.... you get the idea. Catch 22 at it's finest.

We were supposed to go through the full gamut of lameness exams today, but we were rained out, so we will have to wait until Saturday to try again. We've already gone through the nerve blocks and X-rays earlier this year, but it looks like we will have to do them all again to try to find the problem. Argh! Always something!

In the meantime, I've had to get creative in applying some of the lessons we learned in our one whole week of training. I must admit, even though it was short, the biggest takeaway I got was actually very profound and useful in the rest of my life as well.

Just let it go! (I heard you all break into a moment of "Frozen" karaoke just now... cut that shit out! ;)  )

Such a short, simple phrase, and yet it's one of the hardest things in the world to do. During our evaluation lesson with the trainer before I sent Syd to pony boarding school, he noticed something about my riding style that I hadn't recognized previously.

"You really need to get out of her face, you are annoying the hell out of this horse," he stated bluntly.

I was a little shocked. I thought I was doing the right thing by getting stronger, and more controlling when she tried to boss me around the ring. I honestly thought I was being helpful by forcing her nose where I wanted it to go and making her pay attention to the bit.

Once again, turns out she is way smarter than I give her credit for, and she was using the fact that I got tense and controlling to get out of doing real work. She would "spook," I would try to force her to pay attention, she would giggle in her head at the dumb human as she got to slow down and give less effort. Doh.

Once I got out of her face, and let her look around as much as she wanted as long as we kept a good forward motion going, she stopped spooking and bracing so much. Hmmm.

This is the lesson I am working on taking to heart. Just keep moving forward. Don't brace and get forceful about the scary things. Even if you get startled and have to take a few steps back (or even if you try to gallop back to the barn!), turn around, relax your grip, take a deep belly breath sending oxygen and peace to every cell in your body, and move forward again. It's a lot easier said than done, but boy is it worth it when it all falls into place!

Confessions of a green rider (and writer, for that matter!)

Hello! Thanks for stopping by my blog! 

I decided to start writing this to have some concrete documentation that I actually am growing and progressing in my horsemanship and the training of my 9 year old draft cross mare. Horses teach amazingly valuable lessons, and as a mere human, I tend to forget them and need to relearn them unless I write them down! :)

 I have always been passionate about two things in my life: writing and riding, and it's only really been recently that I've been able to really indulge in either one (that itself is a long story best saved for a later post). So, this is me, growing a set of ovaries, throwing care to the wind, and sharing my experiences. Since it scares the hell out of me to try, it must be worth it! ...right?

My journey with the sassy black horse, affectionately known as Big Mama by those who love her, Hell Bitch by me every now and then, and Sydney to all the rest, began a little over three years ago. It started out innocently enough. I had outgrown the husband horse I had been riding for someone else and thought I was up for a challenge. Truth be told, back then even the husband horse scared me on occasion, but I wasn’t going to admit that to anyone, least of all myself.

So I set out to buy my very first horse.  You name the stupid, amateur mistake that a new horse owner can make, and I made it. I fell in love with the first horse I saw. She was magnificent. Her beautiful flowing mane was like a cape of billowing black silk draped across the stately crest of her neck. Her massive, draft legs pranced so gracefully through the snow it was hard to believe she was real. And so, like any insane woman in love, I bought her. 

I wasn’t allowed to do a test ride because there was nowhere to ride her, and besides, the owner hadn’t ridden her more than once in the three years she had owned her (red flag number one).  I didn’t hire a trainer to tell me whether I was making a good choice or not. It took me nearly THREE DAYS to get her loaded in the trailer to take her home because every time I tried, she knocked me down, jumped over me, and ran away. We actually had to hire a professional to load her. (Red flags number 2,3,4,5, and 6). When I got her home it took me nearly 4 months to be able to brush her without her smashing me into a nearby fence (red flag number 7). But she was mine, and I’d be damned before I gave up on this beautiful black beast.

It took me a little longer than it should have to figure all this out. Ok, maybe a lot longer. But when the full force of the realization hit me about the exact implications of my decisions and how they were going to affect me for years to come, it was almost too much for me to face.

I was THAT horse owner.

You know the one. The one that makes all the stupid rookie mistakes and then ends up with too much horse for their abilities.  The one that still has a green horse 3 years after they buy it. The one that stares longingly at all those lovely riders that can just grab their mount and head off for untold adventures to their heart’s content.

Yep, that was me.

Fortunately, even though horsemanship didn't really run in my blood, stubbornness did!

We’ve come a long way since then, her and I, but we certainly still have a very long way to go. Even though it's been an uphill battle from the beginning, I wouldn't go back and change a thing. This horse saved my life (despite trying to kill me on more than one occasion), both literally and figuratively. She's shown me raw, unadulterated power and a kindness only horses are capable of. She's shown me how to be more honest with my emotions, and how to admit to even the uncomfortable ones like fear and anger, and to work through them instead of repressing them. In the end, you're not fooling anyone, especially not your horse! Lastly, she's taught me to accept another living being for exactly who they are, not for who I think they should be. She is 100% unapologetically Sydney. She's strategic and cunning, has no work ethic and a huge attitude, but also has an uncanny softness when you can communicate with her on her level. Because of her, I've learned to be more authentically me and to be more accepting of other people, flaws and all, for exactly who they are, too.

I hope in the coming months (hopefully years??) I will be able to continue making progress with my curvy, sassy, black horse, and that documenting it will keep me more honest and consistent in our growth and training. 

Thanks for reading!!