Confessions of a green rider (and writer, for that matter!)

Hello! Thanks for stopping by my blog! 

I decided to start writing this to have some concrete documentation that I actually am growing and progressing in my horsemanship and the training of my 9 year old draft cross mare. Horses teach amazingly valuable lessons, and as a mere human, I tend to forget them and need to relearn them unless I write them down! :)

 I have always been passionate about two things in my life: writing and riding, and it's only really been recently that I've been able to really indulge in either one (that itself is a long story best saved for a later post). So, this is me, growing a set of ovaries, throwing care to the wind, and sharing my experiences. Since it scares the hell out of me to try, it must be worth it! ...right?

My journey with the sassy black horse, affectionately known as Big Mama by those who love her, Hell Bitch by me every now and then, and Sydney to all the rest, began a little over three years ago. It started out innocently enough. I had outgrown the husband horse I had been riding for someone else and thought I was up for a challenge. Truth be told, back then even the husband horse scared me on occasion, but I wasn’t going to admit that to anyone, least of all myself.

So I set out to buy my very first horse.  You name the stupid, amateur mistake that a new horse owner can make, and I made it. I fell in love with the first horse I saw. She was magnificent. Her beautiful flowing mane was like a cape of billowing black silk draped across the stately crest of her neck. Her massive, draft legs pranced so gracefully through the snow it was hard to believe she was real. And so, like any insane woman in love, I bought her. 

I wasn’t allowed to do a test ride because there was nowhere to ride her, and besides, the owner hadn’t ridden her more than once in the three years she had owned her (red flag number one).  I didn’t hire a trainer to tell me whether I was making a good choice or not. It took me nearly THREE DAYS to get her loaded in the trailer to take her home because every time I tried, she knocked me down, jumped over me, and ran away. We actually had to hire a professional to load her. (Red flags number 2,3,4,5, and 6). When I got her home it took me nearly 4 months to be able to brush her without her smashing me into a nearby fence (red flag number 7). But she was mine, and I’d be damned before I gave up on this beautiful black beast.

It took me a little longer than it should have to figure all this out. Ok, maybe a lot longer. But when the full force of the realization hit me about the exact implications of my decisions and how they were going to affect me for years to come, it was almost too much for me to face.

I was THAT horse owner.

You know the one. The one that makes all the stupid rookie mistakes and then ends up with too much horse for their abilities.  The one that still has a green horse 3 years after they buy it. The one that stares longingly at all those lovely riders that can just grab their mount and head off for untold adventures to their heart’s content.

Yep, that was me.

Fortunately, even though horsemanship didn't really run in my blood, stubbornness did!

We’ve come a long way since then, her and I, but we certainly still have a very long way to go. Even though it's been an uphill battle from the beginning, I wouldn't go back and change a thing. This horse saved my life (despite trying to kill me on more than one occasion), both literally and figuratively. She's shown me raw, unadulterated power and a kindness only horses are capable of. She's shown me how to be more honest with my emotions, and how to admit to even the uncomfortable ones like fear and anger, and to work through them instead of repressing them. In the end, you're not fooling anyone, especially not your horse! Lastly, she's taught me to accept another living being for exactly who they are, not for who I think they should be. She is 100% unapologetically Sydney. She's strategic and cunning, has no work ethic and a huge attitude, but also has an uncanny softness when you can communicate with her on her level. Because of her, I've learned to be more authentically me and to be more accepting of other people, flaws and all, for exactly who they are, too.

I hope in the coming months (hopefully years??) I will be able to continue making progress with my curvy, sassy, black horse, and that documenting it will keep me more honest and consistent in our growth and training. 

Thanks for reading!!